A Guest Entry

For this week, I have a guest writer talking about an experience involving the manipulation of body language. 


Without further ado, here is Lizzie:

"My name is Lizzie, and I'll be your guest blogger for the day. I run the blog Animation Foundation, where I connect art history to relevant topics for the animator.

Body language is an important tool for the animator, and I’m delighted to be able to talk about it. I will spin a tale of a time where I had to actively alter my body language in order to make a better impression of myself.

I've dealt with social anxiety for many years now, and last year I decided to become more active about working on it. I'd go out to parties with friends every weekend, even though I would much rather spend the night at home with a book.

This night’s party was happening at a nice house in the middle of town. The place was a hive of activity, all variety of hipster drinking and chattering away. In short: my worst nightmare. How would I talk to these people? Would they hate me? Would I make a fool of myself? I could feel my palms start to sweat by just thinking about it.

My friend led me over to a group of people chatting under a tree and introduced me. I had to make sure I kept and held good eye contact, and gave the guy in front of me a strong handshake to make a good impression. I resisted all want to hunch over and stare at the ground, and instead forced myself to keep my arms uncrossed. I made myself keep attentive and interested throughout our short conversation. I’ve never found small talk to be particularly attractive or easy, but these activities are the backbone of any big party.

I know that having open body language would give people a better impression of myself. I am naturally reserved and distant, but unfortunately most people take that as being antisocial. I have to make a conscious effort to seem welcoming and open. Unlike naturally charismatic people, I need to keep track of every little thing I do out in public and make sure it’s as welcoming as possible. It’s exhausting, but a necessary evil I’m willing to deal with."

Using body language to improve your social interactions. This is what I'm talking about!

Consistency and Honesty

I've mentioned on more than one occasion about the importance of behaviors being consistent with emotion, and I feel like I could do a better job explaining it in it's own entry.

To put it simply, when I say "consistent" I mean like if someone says they're really sad about something, their body language should reflect that (shoulder low, head down, arms stiff, face distorted, etc.). What a sad person wouldn't be doing is bouncing up and down, walk with light steps, and have a smile. Looking for inconsistency is  key in determining whether or not someone is being dishonest.

How do I know which cues are important?
Another thing to look out for is the length of time it takes for the behavior to appear after the person expressed their emotion. An honest nonverbal behavior is instant and will always begin slightly before the person finishes saying their thoughts. For example a happy person, when asked "how are you doing?", would crack a smile right before they say "great!" A dishonest signal would require thought, and usually will come after the statement.

As long as you're looking at their face, you should probably also note the immediate reaction to "how are you doing?" If the person is truly upset about something, they may actually give you a frown before they lie and answer "good." This, and any type of honest signal happens in a split-second, so don't blink!

This seems like a tough thing to practice.
This concept makes perfect sense in my head, but I'm having a pretty difficult time putting it down on e-paper so I hope this is at least making some sense to you, too. The easiest thing you can do is simply ask someone "how are you doing?" and see how they respond. The most effective way to practice is figure out if the person is having a bad day before you ask because most people will lie about having a bad day. Just remember what you learned and try to match what you hear with what you see.


Navarro, J. (2008). What Every BODY Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People. New York: Harper Collins.

Expressing Emotions On-Stage and Off

I had a pleasant conversation with an experienced stage actor and director, Robert Stanton, who also has taught English for a very long time.

Manipulating body language is very useful in social situations, but it also comes in handy when an actor on stage needs to express an emotion clearly enough so the audience can understand the general feeling of the play even if they have trouble hearing the lines.

"When I directed plays, I told my cast that it should be almost possible for the audience to follow the story even if they couldn't hear the words."

Of course hearing the words are paramount to understanding the substance of a play, but being able to effectively portray a given feeling can at least help the audience understand the emotional drama of the scene. A woman brushing off tears can easily portray sadness on the silver screen, but on stage the actors should get on their knees and cover their face as they loudly bawl to convey sadness across a larger distance.

Speed-reading body language can greatly help you as an educator, as well. If you're in a position to teach someone else, it's important to note the second-by-second reaction of your students to what you are saying.

"In teaching, when I was introducing a new or controversial point, I watched the students' body language closely. If they smiled or nodded slightly, I felt that things were going well; but if they sat stone-faced, I switched to a different approach. Even in personal conversation, sitting stone-faced is intimidating."

Being able to read nonverbal responses is especially important in situations where you want to impress whoever you're talking to, such as a professor or boss. A stone-faced boss is either unimpressed or totally uninterested in what you're saying, unintentionally telling you that you need to change your approach! Use these cues to your advantage because body language is there to help you in every situation, including romantic relationships.

"Body language also plays a huge role in ordinary life. In a couple, actions with each other such as turning away, being monosyllabic (using words with only one syllable, such as "no"), or ignoring the other person communicates as loud as words, if not louder."

I think Bob would agree with me when I say body language is easily applicable in every situation that involves more than one person. I will say again: body language are honest reactions governed by the reactive portion of the brain. The ability to read and decode these reactions will only help you.

Looking at Real-World Examples

This entry is going to be a podcast! I'll be talking about some key observations regarding Bill Clinton's famous response to his alleged affair with Monica Lewinsky.

This is the speech in question:

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV6yhEbEw9c

Don't worry about the length, the segment I'll be talking about starts at 6:18 and it will go by quick!

Enjoy!

*Disclaimer*
This podcast is merely an analysis on body language in speech. Though I use some mild accusatory language, this analysis in no way reflects my own political views nor am I trying to convince you that Bill Clinton is any less of a decent man.

The Guide to Beating Your Friends at Poker

"Play the player, not the game."
I've already mentioned more than once on using some of these observations to your advantage in a game of poker, so I figured I'd compile all the important ideas and add some new ones to make a neat set of instructions for you. With this, I hope you can gain and harness the body language skills to decimate your friends' wallets.

*Disclaimer*
If you are hosting a poker night, participants MUST be legitimate guests and/or friends, the session MUST be closed to the public, and you MUST NOT charge an entry fee that is separate from the stakes. If you don't follow these rules, you are breaking the law!

I'm mainly focusing on Texas Hold 'Em, if you don't know the rules, look them up.

What you want to pay attention are behaviors that are irregular. A "tell" could be meaningless if it is constantly present--knees bouncing up and down is a sign of excitement, but if the person is constantly bouncing his knees he could just be naturally restless. Figuring out a person's normal behavior is called establishing a baseline.

Step 1: The initial deal

• Pay attention to the other participants as they get their cards and look for the changes in their face. Facial tells can be as subtle as a slight eye brow-raise (pleasure, excitement) or as apparent as a cringe. 
• If they have a good pa-pa-pa-poker face, check their legs and feet (but don't be obvious!). If their knees start to bounce in reaction to seeing their hand, you can assume the cards are good.
• Check for defensive behaviors. These will look as if to help the person hold his/her ground. Look for fist clenching or grabbing on to a chair's armrest, as well as feet being planted firmly on the ground. If the person gets defensive, it means they are going to have a tough time winning with their cards. I've talked about pacifying behaviors before. The same rules apply.

Step 2: The flop, turn, and river

• Each time a new card is presented is an opportunity for you to see how the players feel. You can apply the same ideas from Step 1 here. Even if you fold early, I highly recommend still paying attention to how your friends behave.
• The card-reveal phase is also a place where you can observe a constant behavior to stop. If a person constantly bounces his knees and then suddenly stops on the turn, take note of it. He suddenly has a reason to be inconspicuous and monitor his own behavior, which means he's in bluffing mode.
• Some may pretend to give negative signals to throw you off, but all you have to do is see how long they keep it up. If their act is drawn-out over a long period of time, then they are most likely lying. A 10-30 second display of "oh my hand sucks" is way too long to be considered an honest reaction. An honest reaction (or "tell" or "twitch") is just that: a reaction. These should never last longer than 3 seconds.

Step 3: The betting phases

• Here you want to see how the players would react to a raise in bet. If a player is confident in their hand, they will show no defensive signs. A confident player will sit up when faced with a challenge, and the bad poker players usually won't be able to hide their excited knee-bouncing at this point. The knee-bounce is super important, if you couldn't already tell.
• You should also pay attention to who raises the bet as well. Was he the one that displayed defensive signals in the other phases? He's bluffing, so you should call or raise further. Make sure their actions match their earlier behavior. If they don't match, it's a bluff. Also make sure the act of betting (an act of high confidence) is followed by confident nonverbal behavior. If they pacify themselves after a raise, their actions don't match their feelings: it's a bluff.

What do you do against an "all-in"?

Well, that's up to you. Has the player been consistently displaying signs of confidence? Does he have an upright posture? Does he have a smile and a "twinkle" in his eyes? It may be safer to cut your losses here and let him win this round. Conversely, a player may use the "all-in" as a desperate way to get back into the game. If his earlier behaviors match this sentiment, you can definitely match his bet and get him out of the game.

Closing

I hope this guide helps you, but remember: with great power comes great responsibility. You should be thinking about how your winnings are going to affect the relationship you have with your friends. If you don't actually care, then by all means take their money. You earned it.

Terms to remember:

Baseline

The general rule about an honest reaction being quick

Arneson, E. Texas Hold 'Em Poker Rules. Retrieved from http://boardgames.about.com/cs/poker/a/texas_rules.htm

Navarro, J. (2008). What Every BODY Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People. New York: Harper Collins.

Uncredited. Retrieved from http://www.flopturnriverpoker.com/poker/pacifying-behavioral-tells

Professional Applications of Body Language

I had a chance to talk with Vanessa Merton, a lawyer and professor. She mainly teaches new lawyers how to work with and represent others, as well as teach them how to communicate in all forms.

"Observing where someone chooses to sit in relation to you often gives important clues, so when possible and appropriate, we let whoever we are meeting with choose the seat in an office or room. People who face you directly usually are prepared to be pretty straightforward, while those who sit sideways may be trying to limit what they communicate, although sometimes as a lawyer you choose to sit diagonally across a table from a client, so that you are closer and don't have the bulk of the table between you."

First impressions like these can immediately indicate how much a client is willing to cooperate. Being able to tell a person's openness just from observing nonverbal behavior is a key factor in jobs that center on talking with people.

Body language isn't just limited to what you observe, either. You can present yourself more effectively by manipulating your own behaviors. This also applies to conscious actions that you take.

"It's always a choice whether to take notes during an interview with a non-lawyer. If you do, it's a good idea to explain to the other participants why you are, and offer to share a copy of any notes if they want. New lawyers tend not to realize how inhibiting and off-putting it can be if you just start taking notes. Usually we try, when meeting a new potential client or witness, to listen first to the person's full story, full narrative expression of what they want or are afraid of or confused about, before starting to take notes."

Improving your ability to read body language, as well as manipulate your own, will greatly increase your performance on a job. You will be able to tailor your communication approaches so the person you're interacting with can feel more comfortable and confident doing business with you. Remember: learning body language is all about improving your social interactions!

Present Yourself Right

When you communicate, how much of your ideas are expressed through words?

Have you ever thought about the effect of your posture, movements, gestures, facial expressions, and the volume and tone of your voice?

Approximately 60-65% of all interpersonal communication is comprised of nonverbal behavior.

Knowing what your body is saying at all times is essential if you want to effectively communicate with others, especial if those people are of importance or authority. When you are speaking to a job interviewer, you should make an effort to appear confident, honest, and calm.

Relax, sit (or stand) up straight, and think before you speak. These things can go a long way to help you look more confident.

Have you figured out your pacifying behaviors?

Learn to suppress your pacifiers.

You'll know stress when you feel it. Since you also know what your pacifiers are, you are capable to hide your stress. If you figured out that you like to massage your ears under stress, just don't! It's that simple: if you can see it coming, you can stop it. If your interviewer can't see that you are visibly stressed, you will appear more confident in what you are saying. This also frees up your hands to help you along your appearance.

So what should your hands be doing?

Here's a trick: when a person answers a question with absolute confidence, he often does what is called hand steepling. This is when you put your hands together only at the tip of your fingers with space between your palms (elbows may be resting on a surface). Hand steepling is a sign of high confidence to an experienced observer, such as an interviewer! 

If you want to express emotional neutrality, just leave your hands visible on the applicable surface (knees or table works just fine). This gestures ensures your interviewer that you have nothing to hide, and you can also use the visibility to express your emotional stability as well. When you leave your hands openly visible, however, you will want to hide any signs of emotional change. This includes fist-clenching, trying to grab onto the surface, rubbing hands together, and interlocking fingers (praying hands). Being able to hide these signs can also express your confidence.

Trained observers of body language look for the changes you exhibit in response to a stimulus, such as a difficult question. As long as you learn how to keep your body consistently calm and relaxed, you will have an easier time impressing your potential employer!

Terms to remember:

Hand steepling

Praying hands


Navarro, J. (2008). What Every BODY Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People. New York: Harper Collins.