Pacifying Behavior--Because It Comforts Us

Rubbing of the neck and jaw, pinching of the earlobes and nose, and scratching of the cheeks and forehead. We see these actions all the time, but what do they mean?

Under stressful situations, such as when we are posed with a difficult question or bad news, the brain throws a little tantrum and enlists the body to make the brain feel more comfortable. As communication coach Starla West describes it: "the brain requires the body to do something that will stimulate nerve endings to release calming endorphins in the brain, so that the brain can be soothed." The behaviors we exhibit in response to the brain's signal are called pacifying behaviors.


Pacifying behavior can be anything that involves touching or rubbing, such as the few I've listed above. Level of stress can also be gauged by observing the intensity of the behavior--a woman lightly stroking the tip of her chin is less stressed than a man rubbing his entire jawline.


Here are some additional nonverbal behaviors you can look out for:

• the infamous back-of-the-neck rubbing
• playing with hair
• rubbing up and down the thigh (prevalent in interview settings when a table is blocking the view)
• scratching of the head
• covering the neck
• a needless adjustment of eyeglasses, which seamlessly transitions to nose-pinching

Anytime a hand is used to "soothe" the body for the purpose of calming the brain, you can categorize it as a  pacifying behavior. 

Be Careful, and look for clusters!

Sometimes a nose-scratch is just because of an itchy nose! (I'll discuss context in the next entry)You can be sure that the person is under stress if he/she exhibits more than one pacifying behavior, or a cluster of behaviors. You can get a more reliable reading of stress if you can see multiple different pacifying behaviors in quick succession. Imagine someone who starts by rubbing his neck, then transitions upward by stroking his cheek, then finally moves to scratch the back of his neck. You wouldn't be wrong to assume that this particular man is under a lot of stress!

Also be very careful of what you observe. A truly honest person can show many signs of stress in a tense job interview--just because a person exhibits stress, it doesn't automatically mean they are lying!

To practice, the next time you hear bad news, the assignment of a very difficult homework for example, take note of how your body responds. If you figure out what your own pacifying behavior is, it will be much easier to figure what other's are since you know what to look for.

For further reading:

You know an activity that can reliably put people under stressful conditions?
Poker! Grab some friends for a night of poker and look for sudden reactions a person makes when a hand is dealt, or when someone raises the bet. Flop Turn River Poker published a fantastic numbered guide on reading poker tells, and reinforces the ideas of context and behavior-clusters. Try this at home before you think you can handle real betting at a casino, though. The world may not be as forgiving of potential mistakes!

Terms to remember:

Pacifying Behavior
Behavior-clusters



Navarro, J. (2008). What Every BODY Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People. New York: Harper Collins.

West, S. What Are YOUR Pacifying Behaviors?. Retrieved from http://ezinearticles.com/?What-Are-YOUR-Pacifying-Behaviors?&id=3643148

Uncredited. Retrieved from http://www.flopturnriverpoker.com/poker/pacifying-behavioral-tells