"Look DOWN when I'm talking to you!"--A Lesson in Context

"When talking about body language, the most interesting thing I could think of is the interaction between an American businessman and a Japanese one. The American will get in your face, shake your hand, crowd your area, and maintain rigid eye contact during the interaction. The Japanese businessman will try to maintain distance, keep his head low, use eye contact sparingly (to drive home a point), and tend to keep his hands to himself. A nonverbal mismatch like this could literally kill a business deal without exchanging a single word!"

My dad gave me that anecdote when I asked him about body language, and this brought to my attention the most important lesson about reading body language--context. Just because you see something, it doesn't mean it's important. A person scratching his nose after making a statement doesn't always mean he's lying--he could simply have an itchy nose.

So what does this entry's title mean? "Look down when I'm talking to you" is a typical sentiment expressed by East-Asian parents when verbally disciplining their child. Avoiding eye contact is actually a sign of respect in countries like Japan, while American parents expect their children to mirror eye contact in a similar situation.

"Body language lets you know how totally wrong your perception of others is."

My dad was an American businessman working in Japan who found his "typical" behavior conflicting with his new culture. When he would look a Japanese contact in the eyes, he didn't mean it as a sign of aggression or disrespect (as eye contact is understood in Japan); he merely wanted to express his commitment to the work in a way that is normal in his home country. He took this lesson and ran with it, adapting to mirror other Japanese businessmen's behavior so he may be more accepted. You have to keep in mind that there are many nonverbal behaviors that are NOT universal when reading body language (exceptions include Dr. Paul Ekman's study of facial expression, which I may discuss in the future).

This is where context comes into play

It is up to you to figure out what a nonverbal behavior means. You see someone scratching his neck, but so what? Did it follow a statement that he made, or was it a response to seeing his bike with flat tires? Did it follow anything at all? It is entirely possible that the neck-scratching meant absolutely nothing, and it is up to YOU to figure that out.

"Before your plunge into the forest, you should have the proper gear."

Translation: "prepare and practice."

Terms to remember:

Context
Context
Context